Blogs don't burn

This is a fascinating profile about the fascinating—if morally reprehensible—Sergei Lavrov, Foreign Minister of Russia.

“While CPAC will feature Romney, they have once again barred gay Republican groups from participating in the conference, so in case you were wondering the conservative movement is not really interested in changing anything about itself, thank you. Also, Sarah Palin will speak. Yep. Sarah Palin.”

That’s great! I’m glad our national conservative leadership has used the time that has elapsed since last November to examine their values and how their party can meaningfully participate in and contribute to significant political discourse and a functional two party system.

By which I mean, of course, that I hate everyone.

This is a story so bizarre I have to wonder if it was written solely for my amusement (disclaimer: I know that it was not).

Basically, Poland’s foreign minister is calling Britain OUT on not being a leading EU country, blaming David Cameron, who plans “to hold an in/out referendum on the EU by the end of 2017.” But then—and get ready, because this part is the best—he says that Poland is going to take Britain’s place after continuing reforms and joining the eurozone.

Like, what is this story? A UK-Poland rivalry? Is that a thing? Is Poland trying to make it a thing? Is this like when Columbia tried to start something with Brown, which did not care (this happened before I got to Columbia, guys, DON’T WORRY)?

But it gets even better, BECAUSE

“The Polish minister - an Anglophile, who studied at Oxford University - said Poles ‘like, respect’ the UK and share its free market outlook.”

Imagine a bunch of Polish people saying, “like, respect” in a Valley Girl Voice. I know. Amazing.

“He noted the referendum will not take place if Cameron loses the next election…

But he added that - referendum or no referendum - the British leader has shown he wants no part in further EU integration.”

Why does the Polish Foreign Minister have such feelingz about David Cameron?

“‘Cameron said very clearly: ‘We’re not interested in a political union, we want to take care of our own interests and retreat to our island.’ But the rest of the continent does want political union because it’s indispensable to save the euro and to protect our place on the world arena…Great Britain can retreat to its island. But it’s in our [Poland’s] interest to permanently safeguard our membership in the Latin civilization, so we need tighter ties with the rest of Europe, not looser ones,’ he added.”

I mean. (Also, I somehow don’t think Cameron actually said, “We want to retreat to our island,” but I do cherish the thought of him doing so.)

“Sikorski was more critical of Cameron than statements by Germany or Italy in the past few days.”

When asked to comment, Angela Merkel wondered aloud why Sikorski was throwin’ the meanest shots.

“It is no secret we had a number of Republicans damage our brand this year with offensive, bizarre comments — enough of that,” Jindal said. “It’s not going to be the last time anyone says something stupid within our party, but it can’t be tolerated within our party. We’ve also had enough of this dumbed-down conservatism. We need to stop being simplistic, we need to trust the intelligence of the American people and we need to stop insulting the intelligence of the voters.”

Get it, J. 

(That was my first thought. My second, obviously, was that, if “The Newsroom” were the show it pretends to be, they would have stuff—you know, STUFF—like this on it.)

(My third thought was to look up his voting record on women’s rights. Don’t do it, guys. It just ruins the rest of this otherwise beautiful piece.)