O bozhe. Dima Bilan, the man who brought us How to go to a Club in a Grandpa Sweater, has bestowed unto us this latest masterpiece, which raises the following questions (and many other sentiments, obvs)
- Why does this video exist within the context of a French News program? Is this like Katy Perry and Timbaland’s “If We Ever Meet Again?” And, if so, why?
- In which costume store did the leading lady mug a mannequin for her wig? And why?
- WHEN DID DIMA GET THOSE ABS?
- Holy back muscles. That’s not actually a question. It just needed to be said.
- Did Dima get his sniper costume out of “How to be a Bad Guy for Dummies?”
- Does he actually shoot anyone? Or does he just brood on a roof whilst holding a gun?
- If this is an action packed crime based music video, how does Dima have time to brood by the pool?
- Why is Dima so broody?
- Wait, who is this blonde woman!? Is that the same bewigged woman?
- Why does this resort’s pool come with flower covered beds?
- Did Dima practice showing off his abs in front of a mirror? (The answer is yes, obviously.)
- Why is removal of Van Gogh’s “Irises” from an unguarded room that’s locked with an ordinary key so easy?
- Oh, thank goodness, she gets rid of that wig. Also, didn’t anyone at the swanky party go, “Um, Wigs McGee over there is clearly up to no good. She clearly mugged a costume store mannequin earlier…”
- Wait. They don’t sell the painting? They just tape it up? Why didn’t they order a poster online and then go hang out by the pool? Think of how much brooding that would have saved Dima. And his abs. Lest we forget.
