O bozhe. Dima Bilan, the man who brought us How to go to a Club in a Grandpa Sweater, has bestowed unto us this latest masterpiece, which raises the following questions (and many other sentiments, obvs)
Why does this video exist within the context of a French News program? Is this like Katy Perry and Timbaland’s “If We Ever Meet Again?” And, if so, why?
In which costume store did the leading lady mug a mannequin for her wig? And why?
WHEN DID DIMA GET THOSE ABS?
Holy back muscles. That’s not actually a question. It just needed to be said.
Did Dima get his sniper costume out of “How to be a Bad Guy for Dummies?”
Does he actually shoot anyone? Or does he just brood on a roof whilst holding a gun?
If this is an action packed crime based music video, how does Dima have time to brood by the pool?
Why is Dima so broody?
Wait, who is this blonde woman!? Is that the same bewigged woman?
Why does this resort’s pool come with flower covered beds?
Did Dima practice showing off his abs in front of a mirror? (The answer is yes, obviously.)
Why is removal of Van Gogh’s “Irises” from an unguarded room that’s locked with an ordinary key so easy?
Oh, thank goodness, she gets rid of that wig. Also, didn’t anyone at the swanky party go, “Um, Wigs McGee over there is clearly up to no good. She clearly mugged a costume store mannequin earlier…”
Wait. They don’t sell the painting? They just tape it up? Why didn’t they order a poster online and then go hang out by the pool? Think of how much brooding that would have saved Dima. And his abs. Lest we forget.